Today was the second last day of school. Its a countdown. A sad, sad countdown. 3 days to go...then 2...then 1...then...what then?
I just stopped at the bench that we used to sit on in school today, under the tree that bore a fruit that nobody could identify and that started turning green after staying absolutely parched and barren for as long as i can remember, and thought of how things pile, and culminate and reach a climax. And then, the anticlimax.
We've had our farewell, our official last day assembly, school...so the climax has come and gone. Im living the anticlimax right now. And im beginning to understand. Pain hits, not in the peakof things, but in the aftermath. The earthquake destroys, but in that destruction,in the rapid stacking of event over event, contemplation evades us. Our individuality evades us. We see the climax as a whole, the storm as a whole, as it affects every pair of wings in the air. Its only after its over, after the peak and rush of things has faded, that we slowly lower our arms under which we had been cowering, lift our heads, and watch our existance waking. And then, reality begins to submerge. It begins to catch up to us, to the whirlwind we had been riding. Thoughts, pictures, memories, people, benches, hugs, debating trips, parties, fights, laughing, bunking, the 5 times we went to lahore, talking....it all begins to sink in.
And the real insides, that's when they flow. That's when you miss things like crazy.
I like to think Im very adaptable to change. And i am. I welcome change. That's my one purpose in life, to be in a continuous state of metamorphosis. I know I'll die if I have to stick to routine and sameness. The only thing, perhaps, that i empower. The only thing I'll allow my death to. Yes, I beleive i control my death. Because "death" has a different meaning for me. So anyway, point being, taht despite my affliliation with change, and my complete need for it, change still hurts. Its a breaking away, not just from teh familiar, which i welcome, but from memories, and laughter and hugs, and PEOPLE. Its the exchange of one set of loyalties for another. The building of a new foundation on the carcass of an old. And in some ways, nostalgia is also pleasurable.Bitter and sweet, both. It hurts, but its also good. Very good. It reminds you that you have loved the life you have led. It reminds you that life has become a passion for you. Life. In its very alive, very vivacious, very changeable state. LIFE. Pure, raw, nude. Beautiful. Like a nymph rising out of an ocean.
I'll miss school. And my friends. But I'm glad for everything. I'm glad for life.
I just stopped at the bench that we used to sit on in school today, under the tree that bore a fruit that nobody could identify and that started turning green after staying absolutely parched and barren for as long as i can remember, and thought of how things pile, and culminate and reach a climax. And then, the anticlimax.
We've had our farewell, our official last day assembly, school...so the climax has come and gone. Im living the anticlimax right now. And im beginning to understand. Pain hits, not in the peakof things, but in the aftermath. The earthquake destroys, but in that destruction,in the rapid stacking of event over event, contemplation evades us. Our individuality evades us. We see the climax as a whole, the storm as a whole, as it affects every pair of wings in the air. Its only after its over, after the peak and rush of things has faded, that we slowly lower our arms under which we had been cowering, lift our heads, and watch our existance waking. And then, reality begins to submerge. It begins to catch up to us, to the whirlwind we had been riding. Thoughts, pictures, memories, people, benches, hugs, debating trips, parties, fights, laughing, bunking, the 5 times we went to lahore, talking....it all begins to sink in.
And the real insides, that's when they flow. That's when you miss things like crazy.
I like to think Im very adaptable to change. And i am. I welcome change. That's my one purpose in life, to be in a continuous state of metamorphosis. I know I'll die if I have to stick to routine and sameness. The only thing, perhaps, that i empower. The only thing I'll allow my death to. Yes, I beleive i control my death. Because "death" has a different meaning for me. So anyway, point being, taht despite my affliliation with change, and my complete need for it, change still hurts. Its a breaking away, not just from teh familiar, which i welcome, but from memories, and laughter and hugs, and PEOPLE. Its the exchange of one set of loyalties for another. The building of a new foundation on the carcass of an old. And in some ways, nostalgia is also pleasurable.Bitter and sweet, both. It hurts, but its also good. Very good. It reminds you that you have loved the life you have led. It reminds you that life has become a passion for you. Life. In its very alive, very vivacious, very changeable state. LIFE. Pure, raw, nude. Beautiful. Like a nymph rising out of an ocean.
I'll miss school. And my friends. But I'm glad for everything. I'm glad for life.
posted by Shekure Darashikoh at 1:27 AM
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